Stained Memories
by Swirlycloud
Summary: Post-VotE; Hashirama writes a letter to Madara, detailing the events in his life. HashiMito, with preceding MadaHashi.


"Madara,

I wish I was a poet. I wish I could say all the things I wanted you to hear, before…

You died by my hand. You are dead. And I don't know how I feel anymore. I'm lost…I'm upset…and…

The only thing I can think of is you. How you made me feel, how we spent our little time together…

By the river, letting the sun heat our faces beyond the heat that we caused in each other. There was always time…

For you, nothing seemed out of my reach. I was willing to do almost anything to secure your happiness. I only wish I could have figured out what truly went wrong…but in the end…

It doesn't seem to matter. Tobirama has moved on…Mito has moved on…your students…Kagami, and even your 'younger sister' has moved on…but it's just me, and…

I'm so stuck. I can't move. My numerous friendships feel meaningless without you by my side. Like you, I find no joy celebrating yearly occasions. People become older, our economy grows, and our festivals light up the night…

Each year, and I don't care…and…

It hurts. It hurts so much I can barely stand….

It was a lie. This land we settled upon, this village of…illusory peace…my thoughts are everywhere…

—-

And with everyone, but no one, I stand…

Alone, and cold, I'm numb…because…

Madara, it has been a while now. As for Toka, I think of her often. Back then, I never did hold you responsible…

For what has been lost, we grieve. Mito has not been able to sleep well ever since that night…

When we once knew that all our love would go to one person and one person only, well…

Madara, for me, it was always you…

—-

Who once told me not to mourn the dead, but to celebrate what they contributed to this world? Izuna had been that for you…but, Madara…could you teach that lesson to Tobirama? He is…

Shattered, and lifeless, our dreams can come so quickly to an end. Kyoko is dead. I miss her presence around here. She was the last thing that reminded me of you. Now, only Tobirama and Mito remain…

—-

Cold, and unfeeling, the marriage is done…

In less time than imaginable, we have already begun to distance ourselves from each other. Now, we have one thing in common: while she hasn't been able to overcome her loss, I haven't been able to overcome mine. Oftentimes, there is a lack of warmth…

In the air, there appears to be less and less oxygen. We try to settle what we had planned from the start: to make each other happy, before it becomes too late. After all, we both understand each other so much…

After a year, our plan begins to work…

—-

Well, and alive, my first daughter is born. I am happy. Madara, how I wish you could meet her. My son…

Is my moon. He is calm, and quiet, and complements his older sister well. Their relationship amazing, and comfortable. It warms my heart. The way they interact, well it reminds me so much of Toka, and you…!

…

—-

I wish I knew how to complete this letter. More, I wish you could read it. I know that, underneath everything that happened between us, you still cared about me too much. I know that all we wanted for each other was an everlasting happiness, but…we were unable to grant it to each other, in ways we could both understand…and…

I know that inside yourself, somewhere, you are still the same boy I met…unskilfully skipping rocks by that old river…well, now it is a famous waterfall. I hope you don't mind, but I had two statues of us erected at the site of our…last battle…

Where my son and daughter are concerned, I let them know about you. I have made sure to teach them well. To combat the kyuubi's hatred, Mito has finally learned to fill the hole in her heart with a new love. A love for her family, and especially her children. Even while she misses her, as I miss you…

—-

Madara…I wish I could complete this letter. But with you out of my life, it has felt so incomplete. While my grandchild continues to ask about you, I try to divert her attention away, because at this point, it hurts too much. While my family has helped fill this hole in my heart, a small emptiness still remains. Maybe it's those ridiculous bouts of depression I get into…perhaps I have finally let them get the best of me…

Tobirama is much better now, but even I can tell no one will reach him as far as she did. And though I tell him otherwise, he refuses to let anyone come close. Much as I did…

Ever since Kyoko, he has decided to focus all his energies on developing new jutsu, all of which turn out to be very useful. But there is one that he seems to be working on that disturbs me…perhaps it is because it gives me a false sense of hope, as it does for him…a hope for what we secretly wish we could both accomplish, should the jutsu be completed…

At this time, I can say that while I still think of you, I am content. I am glad I was able to move on with my life. Mito and I had tried so many times to work things out, and we finally did. I have a nice family now, and the courage and strength to continue to provide for them well. Although, I am getting a little old…perhaps the time has come for the next generation to take over…

What follows? You know, Hiruzen…yes, little Hiruzen…he is getting married. He's grown so much! And you know, he has even promised to take Tsuna under his wing. Just imagine! My grandchild, being taught by him, as a part of the new generation.

—-

Madara…I wish I could complete this letter. But that would mean for it to end. And my life is not over. Not yet…I can't let…

Tobirama is shaken, once again. Mito is almost ready to fall. But I make sure that he does not break, and she does not fall. It is desperation…

Once again, another life is about to be lost. It hurts my heart to see the how many people truly care. The Hokage is dead, the Hokage is dead, they say. But I tell my dear brother to do his duty, and even though he hesitates, without question, he complies. Mito looks about ready to start a war; she is too angry to be sad…

My children have been strong. Although one has died, now…my grandchild perseveres. She is horrified to learn that there is no antidote to cure me. Even at only five years…she has teamed up with her new friend, one fond of snakes, to learn about poisons. They visit the library, and read through Toka's old journals, as Tobirama and I have, without success. I watch a tear fall down her cheek as she says she will find a way to cure me. She is strong, and determined. Do you remember the Will of Fire I talked to you about? Well, it has reached her… and I…am touched beyond words…

That which seems to be unrepairable, I've found, may be repairable in another time… But my time is up… Madara, my hand is shaking. It has been two days of agonizing pain. And now, I have only a matter of hours, or minutes…Unwilling to leave my side, Tobirama asks if there's something he can do to lessen the pain…but we both know what would make it disappear. And I…don't want to go that route. I will endure…we all must endure…

Madara, I wish I knew how to complete this letter, but…nothing is ever complete. Life will continue to last, as I will try to continue my message to you…as for now…I can barely write…"

—- —- —- —- —- —- —- —-

With a slow, steady hand, Madara accepts the second folded piece of paper that is handed to him. He notices that among the same traces of salt, dirt, and few, blurred ink smears that stain the old-looking paper he still clutches possessively in his other hand, blood also stains it.

Before he proceeds to unfold the second and final note, he looks up at the former Hokage's wife. From her eyes, he can tell that both Senju brothers are now gone. Her dark brown gaze shifts out to the window, where alongside the memories of his mentors, the newly carved face of the Third Hokage now watches proudly over the village.

His eyes eventually make their way back to his open, gloved hand. Mito's eyebrows lower into a sobering expression, while his own rise subtly upward, settling into an expression that is only indescribable.

He smoothes the rough paper with his thumb, looks past the bloodstain toward the bottom corner, and reads:

_"You were a jerk to me. Now stop staring at my wife and piss off._

_Postscript: I love you_

_-Hashirama "_

* * *

**A/N**: ******I couldn't resist that ending. I actually had digitally drawn the final note instead of only putting the words there, but this is FF, so the full-resolution image will have to stay on my tumblr, where I have posted this for **PikaCheeka's Hashi/Mada fanfic contest ~  



End file.
